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The year 2024. What a time lol. I had big goals for 2024, but most of them went uncompleted. I wouldn’t say it was all my fault, but the year of ‘Boss Mode’ took a huge backslide into the year of ‘Why are you so small?’. The biggest thing that I learned is without acknowledgment of self there is no solid footing to build anything off of. It is just a slooshy sloshy mess.
BUSSINESS
Like I said I had goals for the year and I think I missed every one of them. To say this year was a hard one would be an understatement. I spent a lot of the year not knowing what type of work I wanted to take on. I jumped at anything that felt like it would lead to the most comfortable situation. It turned out to be mostly production work which ate up a lot of my time. In times where I needed to be reaching out for the work I wanted, I didn’t. Which lead to tons of slow down over the year. I was selling my time instead of my expertise which I now know is something I need to try and minimize. Business wise everything was going well until July. I made 55% of my financial goal from January to July and then just 15% the rest of the year. As you could see this could make things financially tight on the back half of the year. I think a lot of it was the election, but I know the rest of that was definitely on me. I didn’t know it, but this year I had to take a step back and address some things about myself before I would ever be able to move forward on business anything.
PERSONAL LIFE
Something I’ve found as I’ve been a freelancer/business owner is business some how holds a mirror to who we are. The personal becomes business and the business becomes personal. You are pretty much butt naked and exposed. If who you are working with isn’t who you want to be then you have to change it. Because of this my year was full of personal growth. With most growth it often means that you are first slapped in the face really hard. One huge issue that came up was my complete inability to reach out for new work. I just couldn’t do it. There was 3 months where I had decided that the work that was on my plate was good enough. Of course a month later it all went dry. I was then faced with the fact that my actions put my family in one of the toughest financial places we have ever been in. I had weighed my fear higher than the sum of my families thriving. Which I realize now is a choice I’ve made so many times. I was selfish in this moment and realized I’m often selfish in many other ones too. I’m avoidant because I don’t want to pick the wrong answer and it is easier to be on another planet. I choose to run away from moments of being a father and a husband. Overall the moment comes and I shrink. I get out of the way because to me that feels the safest. I shrink back to the 10 year old Kameron who spent way too much time by himself and tried his best to not rock the boat. When you shrink, it feels like there is no possible way you could mess anything up, but it is not true. Not showing up actually takes everything away from you. Time. Life. Fun. I feel like the biggest places that I worked on were understanding my ADHD, my fear of abundance, and misogyny. Yes I realized I was being misogynistic. I just wasn’t being who I wanted to be and it was effecting everything.
Breaking Cycles
Before we go any further I want to say how grateful I am for my wife Alex. They have believed in me even when I had no clue I had any ability to be anyone other than what others told me I was. The growth of this year was not done on my own. It’s been years and years of them giving me advice and most of it went in one ear and out of the other. In many moments I took their advice and attributed it to others. I spent many years not taking accountability for my actions. I had always believed that if I could be better than other husbands than that was good enough, but it was this summer that I realized that that wasn’t enough. I was still playing into many of the tropes that most American dads play with a goal to do as little as they possibly can. Many American dads carry the ideals that men are supposed to be absent minded, can’t do things on there own, and take credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. It’s hard to realize how bad it really is because it is socially acceptable to behave in these ways. It might not be our faults that we end up doing these things, but it is definitely our responsibility to change and be better. This behavior turns you into a vampire. I was sucking all the shine out of this beautiful person who I truly do love and care for. I’m not saying that I will get it 100% right all the time, but I think all I can do is be vulnerable and own my mistakes when they do happen. Instead of shrinking, take up the space nessicary to be an actual partner.
ADHD
Oh the shame and guilt. I could not tell you how much shame and guilt have run me my whole life. It mostly happens when I’m supposed to complete tasks. I start my day, I sit around for a little while and then look up and it is already 10am. 10am!! I was supposed to do so much today. “Welcome shame and guilt to the stage!” It literally feels like you are sliding down time on a slip and slide. I could say this same sequence has happened so many times in my life. I mean it happened 2 days ago, but I at least now know why it happens. This is just one piece of my ADHD journey. I have undiagnosed unmedicated ADHD. Both the ‘un’ words being a choice of my own and a much bigger conversation. If you are curious I’m always down to have the conversation. BUT I want to keep this moving haha. I thought just knowing you had ADHD was enough to get it under control, but of course I was wrong. I was having really bad bouts with burnout. I would try really hard for a month and then burnout for 2 weeks. This is a problem when you need to run a WHOLE business. ‘White knuckling’ or ‘grit and bare it’ has always been my solution for dealing with my ADHD, but it wasn’t working anymore. My wife has always said ‘you are working against your brain’. And of course I heard these words, but didn’t know what else to do. I recently picked up a book called ‘How to ADHD’ by Jessica McCabe. A lot of the advice I heard here I have heard before (Thanks Alex!), but to have it all in one place gave me some solace. Like I told myself when I’m having a hard time at least I have a place to go. And some of the stories Jessica shares I can totally relate. In some ways it made it makes ADHD easier to approach knowing I’m not alone. It has helped me own who I am a ton more. Instead of shrink, stand up and say yep that’s me!
Fear of abundance
The great unknown. Everything happening and existing at once. Idk it just seems pretty scary to me. How is one supposed to know all the possibilities and choose the right one when nessicary? To think about how large things really are is scary. 1 million possible clients? How will I ever talk to that many people? There is no way that many people will actually like me. Abundance is supposed to be something we all want, but what happens when you are afraid of it? Lately, I’ve been meditating to start my day. I came across a guided meditation titled ‘breathing in abundance’ and it kinda took me by surprise. It talked about the fact that when we aren’t open to the abundance of the universe all you can see is the stuff you as an individual believe is true. You become blind to other outcomes, other perspectives, and just the infinite possibilities. I might have listened to this meditation 3 months ago and I still think about it every day. What if I’ve been so closed minded because of my fear of abundance. I know for a fact I’ve fought with Alex to be right about something purely just so my perspective was made the correct one. I feel like being the smart kid has made it so everyone praised me for being smart and I think I have taken that praise to mean I was always right. This fight for always wanting to be right shrinks your world view and doesn’t give you the opportunity to think abundantly. What if I’m wrong? Yes there is some fear there, but if I was only giving wrong answers anyway doesn’t this mean I have more of an opportunity to actually get it right? Instead of shrinking, I spread my limbs and grab for ideas that a little further out of reach. Every single one of us is abundant in all ways, all the time.
Reintroduction
I want to be great. I want to keep freelancing. It is something that has been weird, but seems to work well with who I am. I love the connecting and meeting new people! Hearing about their lives and finding ways I can make there situation easier. I always talk about how staying on ‘the road’ or staying in your business longer leads to more successes because the story you tell others stays the same. Time + Luck = Success. I am still here as a freelancer. All these hard lessons this year I feel make me a better person. I know my super power in business is leading with being as human as possible. Being human a lot of times isn’t pretty, but it is the connection that we all share and brings us together in the hard times.
Again, I want to be great. I will be doubling down on brand identities that real people love and sharing my perspective with agencies and big brands. I will be the best on my terms, I will out study, be as creative as possible and lean on my buds as my weapons I carry into battle. The reason I’m not an engineer anymore is because I love design WAY too much to not do it. This is what I was put on this planet to do. I want to team up with my buds a ton more this year. I feel like Hoodzpah has been changing the design model and showing us all that team ups lead to huge successes. Let’s change how we do this thing!
I know that I’m a black man and that means having everyone wanting to place me in a box where they think I belong, but I think I’ve already proven that no box you could think of would ever hold me. I’m here at the end of 2024 to talk my shit for the first time. Everything I held so dearly to feels like it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m no longer shrunken. I take up space. My voice carries and you all do hear me. I’m abundantly powerful and I’m so happy to meet you and share space with you.
P.S - When I take a step back yes this year was rough, BUT financially I still made what I made my 5th year as a mechanical engineer. I feel like when you add that to the mix it truly shows the immense potential the next couple of years can really have which makes me super excited!
2024 Achievements
Pitched first 10K project and lost it, but was definitely the closest I’ve ever been
Found a super dope intern who has been so helpful and teaching me along the way.
Did an adobe live on my mom’s birthday!
Spoke at Phoenix Design Week
Did Art Direction/Design for my first campaign
Sold the most motion work I have ever sold
Worked with 22 really cool creative partnerships (Hoodzpah, Historic Agency, Ambient Skies, Worthi, Charizma Agency, Pixel Parlor, Creative Theory, Oh Production, New Voices for Reproductive Justice, Lavidge, etc.)
Put out 7 podcast episodes with Kieron Lewis, Meg Lewis, Kristine Arth, Fabiola Lara, Andy J. Pizza, Jack Harrison, and Leila Thompson!
Launched my first font!
Ending the year still freelancing :)
2025 Objectives
More talking and vulnerability
More team ups and connections
More weird
More money - its the only way I get to keep doing this haha
→ THINGS I’VE MADE
I’m want to get back into solo youtube-ing!
Check this out if you haven’t seen it yet. I talk about the strage Apple intelligence commercials and the recent AI project from Pentagram.
→ FIRE PLAYLIST
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